Marriage Enigma II

In the cyber-universe, there is a high probability of rubbing shoulders with an email forwarding freak, a human email server who gets a kick out of forwarding every conceivable email to his/her gargantuan list of favorite email addresses that includes YOU 😑 . I will not be surprised that sooner or later such fetish will be declared a serious affliction by the cyberspace world as server disk spaces get hogged easily but for the moment, a click on the spam /delete button provides the much needed relief of losing your nerves to β€“β€œ oh no, not these organ thieves again for godsakes β€œ

But you know what, some of these emails fall through the cracks of our not-so-perfect mail software and we end up reading and stacking them up in some folder. With the slew of marriage and relationship jokes that I have unintentionally accumulated in my cyberspace voyage over the years, I decided to use the jokes to create a little story, a parody in fact, about the cycle of marriage that we all talk and laugh about πŸ˜†

DESPERATION ( All my friends have gotten married – what am I doing ? )

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, “June.”

“Yes, this is June.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will! Who’s this?”

JEALOUSY (darn, what did I do wrong ?)

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”

The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!”

FIGHTS ( Okay, if that’s what you like….)

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn’t been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

“Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am.”

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o’clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

“Wake up, it’s 6 o’clock!”

DESPERATION FOR THE SECOND TIME ( what have I gotten into?)

What is the most damaging food?

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”

REVENGE ( MAN)

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: “When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.”

Wife: “No, I can’t marry anyone after you.”

Johnson: “But I want you to.”

Wife: “But why?”

Johnson: “Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!”

REVENGE ( WOMAN)

A man is almost about to die As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”

His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”

IT’S OK TO HAVE BIG EMOTIONS DAVID COOK

For the first time in the American Idol contest I couldn’t care less who won. The two Davids – David Archuleta and David Cook are both good looking and brilliant singers, with David Cook having the edge in versatility and range. The moment I watched David C. sang his own crafted version of Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean ( see video cap below) in the final 10 series, I had no doubt in my mind that he will bag the title as long as he coasted with safer songs until the finals.

I knew something was up when Simon Cowell made an apology to his trashing of David C’s performance last night. True indeed, the public didn’t give a hoot about Cowell’s comments and voted overwhelmingly for David C for the crown. Not to say that David A. wasn’t great – he was but David C. was just the better overall package. We’ve never seen a guy show such emotions on stage as David C. who unabashedly cried when he was declared the winner. But that’s okay dude – whether you cry or not, you deserve the title !

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36 Responses

  1. Two stages of desperation ? I’m scared to get married LOL πŸ™‚

    Congratulations to David Cook but David A. is cuter πŸ™‚

  2. Natawa ako sobra!

  3. Sayang kahit isang episode ng American Idol wala akong napanood.

  4. hahaha. tumatawa na naman ako mag-isa.

  5. The revenge jokes are so funny hehe πŸ™‚

    The finals show was too long for me. The guests were quite boring too. I was expecting David Archuleta to win.

  6. Heh, love that cartoon, hahaha. πŸ˜€ Anyways, marriage, just like dying, does go through several stages. And I can proudly say that I’ve been through every one of them… hahaha. πŸ˜€

    As for cook, he deserves the title. I’ve read an article online that says one of the reasons for the sudden turnaround by the voters was because of reports that the younger David’s dad was bullying his way backstage during rehearsals, and was even telling the producers to back off. Imagine if the teenager won, aba, lalong yayabang ang stagedad niya…

  7. Irrealis – desperate to get desperate again ..just a joke hehe πŸ™‚

    David A. was mobbed by his fans after the show and he didn’t even win. Looks like this guy has a promising future πŸ˜‰

  8. Richmond – :mrgreen:

    Really ? Well I guess because they’re showing it at 8am Manila time and you’re probably at work at that time 😯

  9. Lawstude :mrgreen:

  10. Ryan_b – :mrgreen:

    I thought most ofthe guests the guests were cool. Donna Summer, Bryan Adams and I thought George Michael was awesome πŸ™‚ . The monotonous part were the long performances of the top 12 and Graham Nash singing with Brook White, strumming their guitars like robots 😦

  11. Sngl – so you’ve been through the enigma cycle eh ? we need words of wisdom from you hehe πŸ˜‰

    woo.. first time I heard that David A’s dad was trying to meddle with the organizers. If that’s true then he’s not doing good to his son’s career now that he’s slated to cut records 😯

  12. Lol! loved the marriage jokes; they’re a good way to end my weekdays. πŸ˜›

    and for David Cook — yeah, he’s my bet, too, and i’m glad he won it with over 12 million votes over the little David. Cook’s versatility is way beyond Archuleta’s pop genre — and his stage dad. πŸ˜€

  13. i cant imagine 2 clowns sleepin in one bed, nice cartoon, hehe.

    On AI, Cook did not receive good reviews in the finals, but season wise, he had already proven his worth.

    am back!

  14. The poision story was really funny. (The comic strip made me LOL.)

    I’m not really into this Idol Idol thing, but I got to read the news story on Yahoo news yesterday. I clicked the linked there because I said. “This guy is cute…matignan nga.”

    I then watched some of David Cook’s American Idol videos on Youtube. I must say, he has stage presence. And he is a versatile singer indeed.

    The other David is also good (his voice quality is finesse). I actually prefer his style of singing (but then again, I’m more into ballads, that’s why).

    Overall, I think David C. is really Idol material.

    Having said this, I also think that David A. will go far. He’s still young anyway.

    Ok, what a long comment from a non-American Idol person. πŸ™‚

  15. Oops…sorry for the typo errors there.

  16. Love the marriage jokes. LOL!! πŸ˜€

    Both Daves were very good but if I had to choose, I would have also picked David Cook because he came across as more natural to me when he was belting out some the songs he picked throughout the entire series. As you said, he was the better package.

  17. Barry – :mrgreen:

    wooo.. 12 million votes is pretty darn big ! I was expecting it to be much closer 😯

  18. Rheiboy17 – :mrgreen:

    I knew David C. had the edge all the while and the only thing that would derail him is if he fumbled big time .

    Hey, welcome back bro ! You’ve been gone for almost a year and I thought you immigrated to some country hehe πŸ™‚

    Glad to see you back πŸ™‚

  19. Jayred – :mrgreen:

    Funny when you said you’re a non- American Idol person hehe πŸ™‚ Isn’y Youtube great ? It’s the reason why we haven’t subscribed to TFC ( The Filipino Channel ) yet. πŸ˜‰

    Know what, we know now that winning it doesn’t guarantee anything. Another guy by the name of Chris Daughtry placed fourth in the 2005 contest but he’s won Grammy awards already πŸ™‚

    If you’re interested, David C will be Larry King’s guest on CNN Friday night. I’m quite sure you have CNN in SW πŸ™‚

  20. Panaderos – :mrgreen: I love lots of these jokes in my hard drive πŸ˜†

    Yep, David C is the better package and the public saw it. I also liked that Aussie guy – he could sing too. Jason Castro was just a stud and had no range – the reason why he reached the top 4 πŸ™‚

  21. ” If you’re interested, David C will be Larry King’s guest on CNN Friday night. I’m quite sure you have CNN in SW.”

    – Yeah, I know. Larry King announced it kanina. Thanks just the same. Yes, we do have CNN and BBC here. Other than that, bahala ka na sa sarili mo maintindihan yung German, French and Italian shows. LOL

  22. Jayred – great to know you have at least 2 English channels over there. Now THAT will certainly keep me sane hehe πŸ™‚

    Here we have a slew of French-Canadian channels which is part of regular programming. Other than that, it’s all English including US networks and neighboring US cities lcoal broadcasts. There are regular multi-cultural broadcasts in foreign language in certain channels. There are also foreign language channels – even GMA is here but you just have to pay extra subscription fee πŸ™‚

  23. I don’t even read forwarded emails like these anymore. I just don’t have the time now. I hit the delete button right away. The only one I’ve read before is the one about the FIGHTS. Not through email, but from some newsletter here.

    I’ve also told myself that it’d be okay for me if the two Davids ended up in the final two. But I’m an Archuleta fan and I felt sad when he didn’t win. :(. But then again, I like listening to ballads and I don’t usually know the songs that Cook sings. But I liked his rendition of Billie Jean very much. πŸ™‚

  24. just can’t help but comment on David C’s hair… is he going bald? notice the amount on hair on the top. or was it just me? πŸ˜€

  25. Niceheart – no more forwarding emails eh? That FIGHTS newsletter is certainly interesting hehe πŸ™‚

    Hey – Canadian Idol starts June 3 and they’re adding a female judge making it 5 now ! We’re on to the next Idol round until October ! 😎

  26. Mari – yeah, it does look like he is hiding a fly landing strip behind those dirty look hair ! Well, in a few years it will show up and we ill find out haha πŸ™‚

  27. kakatawa naman. katakot ba to get hitched? πŸ˜›

  28. Wedding cake. The best! Lol πŸ™‚

  29. Tutubi – LOL πŸ™‚ yes, there’s a high probability sabi nila hehe πŸ™‚

  30. Senor Enrique – ironically, there’s those who eat the wedding cake more than once, pero masarap kas eh hehe πŸ™‚

  31. Haha! Amusing posts. I like the “Fights” one. hehehe.

    I’m glad David Cook won. But whoever won from the two it doesn’t matter to me. Both are good. I think this season’s idol is one of the best.

  32. Funny marriage jokes! napapadalas ata ah?

    I though David A would win because of the judges comments. They were realy rooting for him. however, I liked David C better. He had the voice of a winner. I’m glad he won. I loved that performance of him of Hello by Lionel.

  33. lol…those are funny! i hate spammers! πŸ™‚

  34. Ferdz – :mrgreen:

    Totally agree – this year’s top 10 had lots of talent – the best so far πŸ™‚

  35. Leah – napapadalas ba? Hahaha πŸ™‚ No worries, I’m quite OK and wala ako doon sa jokes hehe πŸ™‚

    True, goes to show that the public doesn’t buy what Simon says anymore 😯

  36. Ipanema – :mrgreen:

    Believe me many years ago I cancelled my internet subscription for the sole reason that the ISP had inadequate anti-spam features 😯

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